Disappointment

begins when an expectation isn't met.

A scene conjured in the mind that doesn't go as planned. Some, namely those with high anxiety, fear disappointing others.  They exemplify a giving nature but what they are actually doing is avoiding the "act of disappointing".  All because if the nightmare that they've disappointed becomes a reality, it could feel like a grenade exploding. 

Fear of disappointing is also driven by feelings of appreciation and validation received when the landmine of disappointment is avoided: mission accomplished. The high of avoiding disappointing others and rather achieving praise and gratitude unfortunately perpetuates fear.    

There is another post on this blog about validation that's great to go back to but on this page, let's stick to the topic of disappointment.

Life is full of random events and circumstance.  We are inevitably going to need to make quick decisions on the fly.  As such, we may hurt others by not behaving/performing in ways they expect.  

Let's go through what it takes to avoid disappointing others.  We have to internalize what is expected, and attempt to execute the plan designed by the other party.

Ok, not so hard if there is only one plan and one other party.  But uncontrolled factors, like oh say...your needs, the complexity of your circumstance, or the inevitable random events of life, really complicate that.  

Time moves fast and if your only concern is executing others' plan to perfection with the goal of avoiding disappointment, then you're taking away from your experience and the experience of others.

What I'm saying is that all we can do is try our best.  Everything in life is an exercise.  Executing plans and ideas are a must - it's part of our experience.  But doing them strictly out of fear of disappointing others completely takes away from the experience.

It's a fail guard way to ensure that not only you will have an emotional grenade explode within you, but you're constructing an unhealthy experience for others as well.

By trying your best, you can apply yourself and your mind! This way your can involve others in a welcoming manner that is respectful to all (including yourself!).  It may not be perfect and a few people may be disappointed but if you've tried genuinely then the worry of disappointment should not be a concern.

From my couch to yours,

Coach Sam