What it takes to change
"Everything you do is 80% psychology and 20% operation".
Have you heard this before? Most people have but it's often ignored.
Why? Because it's easy to ignore mindset. “Mindset" has become a hoity toity term that's scoffed at.
Though, I must say Earl Nightingale wouldn't scoff. Iyanla Vanzant wouldn't either. I'm pretty certain that Tony Robbins, Stacey Flowers, and Brene Brown sure wouldn't scoff either. My incredibly hard working and successful siblings got to where they are because they didn’t let anyone shake their minds.
In fact, anyone who has reached any portion of their goals will tell you that something had to change in their mind, and commit to a dedicated mind before anything could change in their life.
People ignore mindset. Mindset has everything to do with perspective...Ever notice how someone can describe a positive experience in one breath, yet in the next, spin it to reflect a terrible situation with horrible consequences? Even with this incredible talent, people seldom believe they have control over their experiences, over their future. A society full of brilliant minds pulled into so many directions with so many distractions that the weeds of anxiety have wrapped around unsuspecting mortal brains, suffocate them from meaningful experiences.
What is it that persuades your perspective? What makes you decide an experience is positive or negative?
The experience itself?
It depends?
..It's undoubtably your mindset.
I heard a Tony Robbins talk recently where he covered the concept of "home-state". Not where you live but rather where your natural emotions feel most comfortable. If you're a sad person, tragic news will make you sad. If you're an angry person, tragic news will make you angry. If you're a hopeful person, tragic news will have you asking, "what can I do to help"?
We use our circumstance to bring our emotions home. So why not move? I mean...you've likely moved at some point in your life. Sure, it takes a little time to adjust to the new neighbourhood and your new couch may no longer have those perfect seat groves but eventually you call it "home" right? So why not move your mindset? Seriously, grab some cardboard boxes or call that FrogBox company my friends, cause it's time to get out of here!
How, you ask? Well I can tell you that it's not by simply repeating happiness mantras or affirmations (well you could, but that eventually becomes repetitive). YOU NEED TO FEEL THE CHANGE. YOU NEED TO BE HUNGRY FOR THE CHANGE. YOU NEED TO BE DETERMINED.
You need to believe that you CAN change. If you think change is impossible, then dare I say your misery/hardship/stress/anxiety may still be serving you. That's fine because there are millions if not billions of people who aren't yet ready for change. They have made meaning of their home-base emotions. For example, I was super super anxious while in graduate school and at my first job. But I also decided that stress is what pushed me. I was ok admitting that immense fear contributed to my success. So then it was ok to be stressed all the time, right? Unfortunately no because the things that mattered most in my life suffered. My relationships suffered and my health suffered.
Ok, so say it with me, we gotta FEEL THE NEED to make a change and not just SAY that we want to change. That's when you'll start changing your routine. That's when you'll reach out to a mentor or a support system. You don't have to go through it alone but you do need to initiate the change. You need to ignite the change before change can take place. From there, reach out and the right sources will support you through your path to change.
Feel it. Got it. But wait...How do you know the change is happening? How do you know it's working?
Simple - It's gonna feel uncomfortable. You may even feel super wacky...perhaps very happy in some moments and like you're losing your mind in the next moment. It's even possible that you'll start talking to yourself..A LOT...sometimes out loud...sometimes in public places. As long as you don't find security walking over to you...let yourself go through the change! Let them toxins out! Your mind is going to wonder what the heck it is you're doing and it may even try to resist. You may get headaches.
Be patient with yourself and soon, as long as you keep feeling the need for change and creating small positive habits, you will get the change you're looking for. Focus on celebrating the little shifts in your mindset and your attitude..like not yelling at a driver who cut you off in traffic - success! Focus on being grateful. Focus on the things that make you happy and while you are transitioning to your new mindset, just focus on putting one foot in front of the other and move on forward. Don't dwell. It's very important that you don't dwell on anything as you transition.
Also, don't forget that you may have set backs. You may experience reactions similar to your old patterns....instead of judging yourself ask yourself…how could I have handled that differently? This question, in and of itself, even if asked after your initial "old behaviour" reaction is still progress. People like to cling on to "oh, but obviously that's just who I am" ...that's 3 steps forward and 5 steps back...while asking yourself "how could i have handled that differently" is 3 steps forward and only one step back. Don't be afraid to commit and don't be afraid to fail. There is freedom from the mindset that's been holding you back...that's been keeping you in the state of anger, sadness, anxiousness, or plain unhappiness....even if that mindset served you at some point. Don't stay in that terrible relationship just cause it took you out for steaks (or insert favourite food) here and there
A lot of this work is also about knowing (and reminding yourself) that to break your old patterns you may fail over and over again but in the process you are rewiring your mind and you are making progress. Trust that you will see a light inside yourself...you will see progress that you didn't think was possible. And then you'll fail again…but the greatest disservice to yourself is not giving your mind the opportunity to try again. Did I mentioned you will fail? It's really important we get that straight. We only reach the end of the road when we stop trying. So remember, if you're not trying, you may just not be ready to stop being angry, sad, anxious, and miserable. You may be looking for just one more steak dinner....
Need more support? e mail drsam@youreveningcoach.com
From my couch to yours,
Coach Sam